Isabel and Lloyd ran into problems when Isabel's fears of abandonment surfaced and she started to pull on Lloyd to make her feel safe, and Lloyd's fear of engulfment surfaced and he started to pull away from Isabel. It's a chicken-and-egg situation that is not caused just by one person. As people become more attached to each other, their deep fears of rejection/abandonment and/or of engulfment surface. It's not about one person moving into their wounded self and then triggering the other - it's about both people moving into their wounded selves and triggering each other.
As Lloyd started to shut down out of his fear of losing himself, he triggered Isabel's fears of abandonment, and as Isabel became more needy and made Lloyd responsible for her feelings, she triggered Lloyd into his fears of engulfment.If both of them had been devoted to learning and healing, they could have gradually healed these issues within the relationship arena. But Lloyd was a runner. First he would give himself up, over and over, and then he would end the relationship. He did not have the devotion to his own growth, nor the tenacity to heal his fears, that is required to build a loving relationship.
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